What brings a tear of joy to your eye?
Before leaving phoenix I meant to go to the public storage to check and see if my one of many old phones was left behind. The payments for were not made since I initially rented the space in April. I went to jail in may and still was able to sometimes camp there before that if the door happened to magically be open. And then I was in MCSO for two months. So I was procrastinating about whether or not to walk approximately 45 mins before my departure to California in over five hours later that evening. So then a guy happened to have marijuana I traded with my monthly pass if no longer be needing and so that sort of boosted the hesitation to abt to go to the storage to at most check to see if I could get in. There was also a black long sleeve shirt I spontaneously found while snatch shopping with a sparkly gold Eiffel tower . My long time destination has been the city of love for many years now. I mean the whole time I’ve been traveling I’ve been homeless and surviving with the LORD’s help of course. So I mean I’ve become more adjusted to being alone. No contact with my family and I don’t have any friends. So nobody really knows what I’ve been going through. So, in the storage I would have been looking for a phone that I got for as a gift for when I was offered a furnished hotel room at no cost to me from a diversion program when I was caught stealing food out of a grocery store. So around that time my sister came from up north to visit and I was staying there. And she was showing me pictures from my childhood of when me and my brother were younger. And I asked her to send them to me. So this phone that wasn’t in my backpack when I picked it up after being released last month I figured it was in the storage. I was released on the 2nd and left for California on the 10th. So I was procrastinating that whole time going then just trying to smoke didn’t get sent out for work even being up all night to be first in line to sign in on the computer.
So I had to be ok with not going to the storage. I could get new stuff. And get in contact with my sister again. I said some really mean things to her through text a few months back but just recently I called and left a voicemail apologizing. So this is more like an open invitation to express how I feel and cherish more loving memories together in this lifetime without a grudge. Because I was telling her like, .”wow, these pics make me feel all teary eyed” and asI was looking at the pictures I got all choked up because I didn’t see us like this now as a family. As distant as we are. As many hurts that don’t get talked about and the effects in our lives now and how we treat each other and not opening up and healing an d just letting time past like we don’t need each other. And if we’re going to lean on anybody it should be us each other as a family and that no outsider even a partner you like shouldnt come between your loyalty to me as a sister as a sibling. And As you know when youre the black sheep of the family I mean you have to be the example of healing and apologize when necessary make the effort to communicate and be strong enough to walk away. So I mean six years being homeless I have no photos or tangible memorabilia that I can even identify with. Even my best friend Lillian who is a precious teddy bear from the bear workshop and I’ve had since since I was ten years old. And I lost her after becoming homeless for the first time on my own and been ever since my car got towed in Laguna beach with her in it.bAnd I didn’t mean to leave her forever and I just knew I’d get the car out soon. Had I been more open to promiscuity and sexual favors maybe I could have got help faster but I was a fish fresh out of water and had never been on my own like that. So I lost everything and only God knows how many new social security cards I have had to apply form So I mean as I develop spiritually I feel emotional and nostalgic about my childhood memories and a lot of what how I am now contributes to my social interactions and many other areas in my life.bi hardly know my history and since my Dad passed or reincarnated two years ago well almost three years ago in 26 days I have to start with little info I have and a distant family. I mean it’s harder to keep in touch being homeless because I mean I need a car and money and all that good stuff. It’s easier to put simple but daily adding up ibhas been strenuous and stressful and you still have people who are envious and that lack aggressive mentally, jails just like homeless shelters, no time to relax and enjoy feeling anything. I would like to have those pictures again and put them on a shirt to represent my growth and the strength in family and love and how I blessed I am to have come from the family I didn’t because even though one of my parents had a drug addiction haven’t done so in over twenty years and I’m a witness and the ironic similarities in my behavior now and much I want to be success but my habits create a barrier and then I’m alone in processing my emotions ans having to be strong all the time. But I never saw my dad put his hands on my mom. And also the past six years ive been on the streets have been the most traumatic and yet the Lord spared and I survived. Being arrested over 25 times, waking up
Witheverywhere 