events of today, cloudy mind and forgetfulness | isolated loner, dont fit in

Sigh. So I just came back in the shop from f dollar and the gas station. I got a few frozen dinners ³whivh I plan on eating probably two tonight and a another watermelon margarita. I one just hours before and the buzz quickly faded.

Getting back to the shop, its a lot of people. Thats good for business i guess but im just sleeping here. And im not tryna even overhear their conversations in the front part. Its like when ppl think you can hear them, idk, it just feels crowded. Its annoying with other ppl around, i feel different.

I woke up later but. Feel good about that bwcause i man ive been sleeping outside, and its jut somhwere to crash. Even though m brothers lettin me stay here still feel its like ppl jealous of me. Just like my energy on high and i dont relate i dont feel comfortal roun them. Maybe its because im wealthy. Cause itslik i wouldnt be hangin around here if i was now and its sort of annoying. I need to protect my energy. So whatever.

i dont normally talk to ppl so it was coool being on video chat with my sister yesterday. I dont really catch up like i really wanted but maybe i was supposed to happen that way, and just keep positivity. Which it was.

yeah, so itstwo hours later and i been posting this ad just listening to music and trying to get this stuff straight but then this one phone that i have the battery is like idk but it doesnt charge ad so when i try to log into my email like really my icloud then, its like this one has to reset, cause my icloud is linked to my amazon and stuff i was workin on. And so like this phone number is like the recoveey method for 2 step verify.

So a couple months ago back in houston, i was coming from walmart and this guy was like hey do you want to make $100. Im getting in the back seat like youre not a masked murdere are ya? And so seems i was approved and he happened to have the same birthday as me. He called his bother to take me to an att store thatwasnt in the immediate area.

Get to the store and rightoff back it seemed these guys were pretending not to know each other. So i do the application again and the origina thing was ok he applied for phones and would give me $100. But before going in the store i said i would rather have a iphone 14. (At first i said se which i already had in my backpack but it had water damage) So he like yeah.

So i wasapproved for 5 lines and i picked the color i wanted for mine. The rep takes out a bag from a slide door on the display station behind him and goes to theback, he calling out colors andlike, “oh no more of those”, so he come out with 5 phones andipad. So we were the only onesin the store. Oneperson came in he like he had to call the previous company and the dude that drove me there said his name was james banks. So he was like he was goin to pay for the phones…

Read next post for more story.

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Having no support system and staying mentally healthy while homeless and broke

just recently I arrived inGeorgia, after being stranded in Houston for a little over 1.5 months. I went to jail for stealing iphone 13 and 14 aftering being approved for them. The phones were found by scene because when I got out days before my birthday, I caught the city bus ad walked what felt like 6 hours to where I hid them in a bush. I had good intentions and having anew iPhone would have made my yutub channel look better. Plus the guy I was with was on of those hey, d you want to make a quick $100, just let us run your credit dudes, who most likely knew the guy ho worked there and they’ve been grabbing phone while theater brings a person in.

Sat 47 days for tha and had my had smashed in a cell door, and I could sue but no collateral for a good lawyer because they’re no supposed to assaulting inmates allowing a notherinmate to punch me in my head repeatedly. A nobody who admitted to already signing for 5 to 7 years. Never said anything to his batch, I was cool, quiet, pretty, dark skin, and stayed to myself.

there are nothing but homeless and drug addicts riding on that rail line inHouston. That city is more depressing than i thought arizona was, mostly phoenix. I landed a few hours in Montgomery which smelled like urine upon arriving just in the air, snd i felt kind of bad for saying a sister wast m kind in front awhite family. But i went back a 3rd time to grab amikes hard, another one, andthe black cler may havetold thewhitecler what i said, but i ased her if se thought she read minds. She said no, mentionedshewas a cancer leo mix, she didn’t say cusp, and cocane was furthest from her mind, it was my guess.

now being aGeorgia, i checked at the selters, slept at the tran stations two nights, some homeless black dude carry a roll of tissue walked by I opened my eyes, he turn around like oh do you need something to eat, he kneels and gives me two bucks, then slaps my ass, while I’m lying down next to the space hater I got from the nrg stadium which I slept at two nights even after all the tep workers weren’t assigned back probably until the rodeo. And so helike, “oh please suck my dick, let me jack off I’ll give u ten” I’m like I don’t dothat, hereu want this back, helike yeah giveit back.

Talking about te tw bucks so he wuld leavem alone and gt away, but i never fathomed how someone coul try to say sme money i theres just bcauze they gve it to smeone. Once it leavesyour hands, its not yours anymore, I’ve experienced this with homeless,mentally ill dudes wo try to be narcisstic and feel superior. Meanwhile they’re dirty and Trina get with a pretty girl who just so happens to be on te streets so thy hink you’re easy like the rest of them, not judging but ppl arelost out there on those streets and you hate have scene to care aboutyou, to tak to and make sense of things.

just to feel some peace and quiet andbalance with no extracurricular sounds or paranoia cause it’s just too much of everybody crowding around, sleeping outside, beingoutside, eatiher that or at the grocery store, or some inconvenient store just not getting any return on water im eating or spending. Just lbs I don’t see yet.

so it’s good to vent and talk to my family cause I was feeling like it was some game they were in on and some invisible was Trina block me this andthat way, then someone answered and I slept last night warm, and it’s been peaceful, it’s when I went to hegrocery store ad just ppl try and be seen too much make asleep because I be so to myself ad they’re low vibrational energy in awe about my presence then he kids want you to see them turn their back on you, like just move out the way causeyoure not important.

I’m optimistic about this month being auspicious for me, I’m grateful for my family, and my own mind. I know I’m not mental and I know I’ve never hard voicesbefore and no one reads thoughts. Whenever I get paranoid I change my thought, I have freedom to do so, so I’m in control of of what I let influence my own self.

I may try this therapy app. These ppl that be talking about gag stalking really b too caught up in it, when the focus needs t be on reprogramming your own self conscious mind, how you’re responding to your invironments. I’m glad to have alittlespaceto retreat, I don’t need alcohol or cannabis to just be. Things are looking up.

I was going to move l but really want to build my cleaning business and get a new luxury car, some pampering care, and I also want have a child. I mean mybeeven this year but I’ve been eating sounhealthy. Plus i kindof want to have a baby virgo or libra or scorpio.

this guy I met one early dark morning is a scorpio who already has kids, and I’m like should h just give me one to bring hometo my mom while she’s still alive, I mean already missing daddy. And i can still bea millionaire. But I want a good doctor and goodinsurance. God help.

Gang stalking does not exist, Fight anxiety and paranoia, bad scents

Funky homeless person sitting right next to computer 22 at the library. Smells like sour, rotten, trash juice. Or mildewed clothes sitting out in the rain. Looked over at the timer on its computer and its nearly green. I wonder if something sets these things up just to annoy me. It happens throughout the day like its something constantly watching but never to inspire or encourage me, just agitate and bother me and try and distract me from thinking positively.

It’s like people be talking to each other. You see people sitting around, walking by and its all like theyre not even alive, but some simulation to bother me. How ironic. No one would know what I’m typing or the words that are popping into my head as I’m writing this…deep sigh with this mildew smell funk next to me and when i sghed this fcker jerks his head back like I’m just supposed to sit here and inhale this atrocious, ughI, I don’t even know what to call it.

After, hold on, let me finish this test for this application for this job I’m applying for at the grocery store…

Shit’s burning my nose, the stench as I’m trying to focus on this…I seriously hate homeless people. They carry arounf this funk, and I feel the library is nothing but a homeless shelter and I’m tired of the trains and big bargain stores, smelling other peoples funk and being around people that have no nothing about themselves. This stench is seriously burning my nose right now…why should this person sit here comfortably and just in the way causing this loud smell of broke bum dirtyness? So freaking annoying. Fcking. Thwen in my peripheal I cover my nose or whatever and he jersk his head back like his little get you back “power move” is smelling like that. I’m so tired of being around homeless people. And dont ever use the P word associated with a nobody that sleeps on the fucking streets smelling like sewer water. Ughhh, it makes you angry.

I dont give a about really why its smelling like that,. I just dont want that shit around me, because now its like as im writing this the smell got louder and you hear people around, like making hints at it or some….I just had to ask the librarian to come over to ask this dude to move his bag to the back of the desk or something, he came over and didnt “smell anything”, then its just here, smelling like that still, its aggravating….

Library closes in half an hour, need to brush my teeth and be ready for work tomorrow morning., Been a while since an entry and a lot of paranoia going on, but dont feed into that “gang stalking” nonsense or the voices or whoever, people cant watch just one person everywhere, people arent God, no one knows what youre thinking or feeling specifically internally. Otherwise everyone would be rich, no one would be homeless. So, eff that. Happy blogging.

so you think you safe cause you act like them? They gon turn on you too, 666, red, voices, matrix, nobody

Everything is a game. Everybody in they spot to play and they better do it on cue. They pay you to bump into somebody else or say a word, but they gon turn on you too,

Type it for me, I’ll think it,

Show me magic

Breaking Freely From The Matrix, Own Your Reality

I don’t even know what to call this blog. Lately, I don’t know I guess I just fell different. I think maybe my paradigm is shifting. Like what I’m noticing about people. I’m not even tryna talk about other people m, like duck other people especially if they’re not trying to uplift you or make you feel good. But what I’ve been noticing while being out here like, people are very negative. And that little subtle vibe in the room that everybody is scared to be over, to stand out to be their true authentic selves, that takes guts to be and do and not everybody has what it takes. How am I trying to explain this?

Everybody on the bus Wants to feel seen or noticed or like they’re supposed to be ‘better’ and the whole time I’m like man if only I had my own car I wouldn’t be on the bus or the train right now having to ignore this mf up here trying to own the floor by not doing anything or being anything. It’s so annoying.

I don’t want no bums in my face at 4 and 6 am. Like really you really have to watch who you hang around and what you absorb, what you let people talk to you about, what you’re listening to, you don’t want to take on the persona of that type of energy. And these mfs out here be dead looking for somebody to mess with to bring down into misery with them. Otherwise why they’re out here smoking drugs. Why they smoking it at the bus stop or train station within it blowing down this way (talking about those noise shits) like bitch you chose to start smoking that shit, go hide off in a corner or dark alley and smoke that shit by yourself. Then they sit up here trying to still be around somewhat normal other people and it’s like you’re not on this side of normal with that shit in your brain sitting up here like they actually matter and they don’t. Ain’t nobody out here tryna be friends with no bums. And duck all that tryna be nice shit cause I’m not giving them shit. And it’s no feeling sorry for them because they’ll walk in front of you on purpose just to try and make you mad, then they did something to hopefully make you feel low like them.

And I’m saying breaking free from the matrix because if you don’t have headphones on then anybody’s conversations floating around is passing by you. And these mfs not talking about shit. You can guess if it’s an innuendo but with all the beautiful things in the world to think about who cares what some bum is saying to be heard out loud as some clue or some signal about what they’re looking at on you.

When I’m on the trains and buses I’ll turn my head away. I’m not looking up to see every person getting on the fucking bus. I mean who fucking cares. Know they’re fucking broke, a bum, look what they’re riding. And who cares what they have going on in their life, their on public transportation not looking to befriend a mf who has nothing.

Tired People, the Public, Fed Up With Everything

Ugh. I’m so disgusted and annoyed. And I wouldn’t even feel this way if I was already at home, relaxed, I have everything I need, peace and quiet, you know, how you be at home.

But being out here on the streets, you working on everything from, home, career and self, and in the meantime you gotta put up with all these other people out here who don’t have a clue of self and so all you feel attacked, all the time. Police, fighting, arguments, all that shit comes from low vibrational creatures and mfs out here who are lacking. Nobody who isn’t worried about if they have enough for parking are out on public transportation. So you out riding it and so these mfs be in competition with each other.

I already feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. And so since I’m sitting off by myself, you don’t see too much of that out here, outside on the streets and it’s like people want to bother that. You’ll see people just pop up out the blue and stand and lurk around you for no reason. They’ll try and come up with a stupid question, and there a bum, some blue pill smoking ass addict, tryna ask you for a cigarette.

I’m so tired of bums it’s like, they make me angry because, I’m sleeping at the bus stop and hear mfs the only ones walking around in the middle of th night. So my own issue is finances. So that being my only thing, I don’t give a fuck about who else is suffering out here on the streets because because he Freddy for other peoples energies. And these same ones that be out smoking and everybody feeling sorry for be the main ones causing stress and chaos and bullshit because they don’t know how to handle themselves. Just yesterday some stupid mexican bitch pushed a security guard into me after he asked me to leave cause this hit was yelling at ME talking about oh she defending Mexico. Now when she like oh let’s meet outside and I met her and this bitch still standing there talking shit, I could have been someone to really stick it to her. So now I gotta go to court next week to defend myself, like bitch you can’t get mad because you mad about what somebody saying about mexican. FUCK A GOTDAMN MEXCIAN.

They be out here talking shit tryna hurt people with words all the time, now all of sudden these wet back fuckers wanna get offensive? They don’t own this fucking country. They not the only ones who work or own businesses. They not the one true race, don’t nobody care about being no fucking mexicain , don’t nobody give a fuck about Mexico.

I’m saying that because I’m over on the west coast, Arizona. And so it’s mostly like interracial shit if you do see black peoples fucking with them. And it’s like they be tryna seem nice to seem like a a savior or nice group of people, when really they want to snag a black person to enslave them mentally and want all the others to see them.

These mfs don’t be NOBODY. Do you know how many people wish they were famous or could get noticed on Hollywood blvd? So nobody has time to entertain bums off the street. So the solution is to not be out here with them. They don’t have no fucking money, only bums come to the library, so you know it’s only bullshit here. And all the other places where broke, bum, basic mfs come to. Tired of being crowded by bums and they too fucking needy. Want somebody to look at them too bad. Don’t be having shit going on. At least in L.A. you got a couple dudes tryna sell knicks and knacks on the train, out here in Phoenix these mfs ain’t doing shit but smoking fucking pills. That shit stinks and it’s fucking ugly. So all it is is you surrounded by zombies unless you have a car. And these mfs got these lil part times, and ssi, and they tryna fill up the positions with just mexicans, so it’s nothing but bullshit all around.

It’s just annoying and then you be like fuck people because all they tryna do is make you feel low so it’s like, bitch you not my race, well fuck, you, fuck you. And so it’s like you got to beat them another way. They no smarter than nobody else. It ain’t nothing but negative energy out here and so it’s like, whatever whisper energy they on, and all that oh everybody supposed to know some secret code, and every head nodding and shit, bitch I’m not listening to no voices in nobody else head. That’s not my issue. And all they be doing is tryna spread they misery. How you gon be out here smoking heroin for 25 years then think yo logic putting up with somebody that’s not doing that. Then kids be tryna play smart but it’s like ok, you tryna read adult body movements, why you ain’t no child prodigy? Fuck that.

They sitting up here tryna act like witches and wizards and don’t have shit. Why feel like everybody talking about you? These mfs can’t fuck with you if you not around that shit they try to dish out. They can only try to be in competition with each other. They can’t get to no higher level. So me not fitting in out here, they like tryna target me because I seem like fresh pure meat. I’m not tryna be seen by them, I don’t need their validation or opinion and that’s what they be expecting. Then they see, oh you a tough black cookie, they wanna try to disarm you and play nice. Whole time you see the demon in they’re face. And I’m just tired of playing thee games. That’s why I don’t talk to nobody out here. And yet and still be running into issues with these fucking bums.

Bitch obviously yo ass ain’t get you no ride or got no rich dude pulling over to pick you up or order you no Uber to take you where you going. So don’t be tryna stand at the crosswalk tryna seem more seen than me cause you you still walking. And that’s all they be doing. They can’t reason logic because they’re stupid.

It’s different now. Like I remind myself, I choose happiness. I choose positivity. I’m deciding today to only allow positivity and what or who uplifts me to be that. I will base my whole being on being who I am. It’s not about what anybody else thinks or feels especially if it’s not for my advancement. Can’t stay stuck feeling the same way doing the same things.

I wake up in the morning feeling like wow, like I don’t even feel like riding this train, I want to be far from any bums, or broke people. Guess what that brings more of to my life, better. A person out here on the streets who’s clearly out looking for trouble and you can’t say people not because while I’m sleep on the bus stop not even sitting up, two people came by talking to me. Obviously I’m freaking sleep. No, I don’t have any standing ass blue fetynal pills. Like that shit is so ugly. I’m not out here judging no damn body, I don’t want the shit around me or anybody that’s doing it cause it spells trouble, conflicts not being resolved, energy being wasted and the world is so much better not having to worry about the next person or what bullshit they plotting on next. No, no one cares they’re standing there. Take your ass to Hollywood if you want to be seen that bad!

But anyway, I’m totally over spilling out over the negative shit, it really is motivating me because I’m not out here looking for validation. I don’t need attention or to be seen by anyone. That’s a difference in everybody else and the streets. And frankly, I’m just over it. I know all I’m doing is being successful and that involves me, God, and what I care for.

So, I mean there’s no reason for me to feel shitty, or bitter, cause others out here miserable. That’s not my issue. I’m issue free. I’m not out here talking to no ghosts, I’m in my right mind, my own mind, and I don’t have dim my light, and I don’t, and nobody’s walking over tryna get a piece, bye, all this over here is all me all mine. Mfs wanna act so tough, go get a life, be happy. Get the fuck out my face, don’t talk to me, I don’t want no bum friends, I don’t give a fuck about people on the train. None of that.

Like, when the focus is on what’s really important, what’s not just fades away. I can enjoy peace and quiet. It’s not normal being outside all the time amongst people or things that don’t make you feel good.

It’s different now. Like I remind myself, I choose happiness. I choose positivity. I’m deciding today to only allow positivity and what or who uplifts me to be that. I will base my whole being on being who I am. It’s not about what anybody else thinks or feels especially if it’s not for my advancement. Can’t stay stuck feeling the same way doing the same things.

I wake up in the morning feeling like wow, like I don’t even feel like riding this train, I want to be far from any bums, or broke people. Guess what that brings more of to my life, better. A person out here on the streets who’s clearly out looking for trouble and you can’t say people not because while I’m sleep on the bus stop not even sitting up, two people came by talking to me. Obviously I’m freaking sleep. No, I don’t have any standing ass blue fetynal pills. Like that shit is so ugly. I’m not out here judging no damn body, I don’t want the shit around me or anybody that’s doing it cause it spells trouble, conflicts not being resolved, energy being wasted and the world is so much better not having to worry about the next person or what bullshit they plotting on next. No, no one cares they’re standing there. Take your ass to Hollywood if you want to be seen that bad!

But anyway, I’m totally over spilling out over the negative shit, it really is motivating me because I’m not out here looking for validation. I don’t need attention or to be seen by anyone. That’s a difference in everybody else and the streets. And frankly, I’m just over it. I know all I’m doing is being successful and that involves me, God, and what I care for.

So, I mean there’s no reason for me to feel shitty, or bitter, cause others out here miserable. That’s not my issue. I’m issue free. I’m not out here talking to no ghosts, I’m in my right mind, my own mind, and I don’t have dim my light, and I don’t, and nobody’s walking over tryna get a piece, bye, all this over here is all me all mine. Mfs wanna act so tough, go get a life, be happy. Get the fuck out my face, don’t talk to me, I don’t want no bum friends, I don’t give a fuck about people on the train. None of that.

Like, when the focus is on what’s really important, what’s not just fades away. I can enjoy peace and quiet. It’s not normal being outside all the time amongst people or things that don’t make you feel good.

Breaking Freely From The Matrix, Own Your Reality

I don’t even know what to call this blog. Lately, I don’t know I guess I just fell different. I think maybe my paradigm is shifting. Like what I’m noticing about people. I’m not even tryna talk about other people m, like duck other people especially if they’re not trying to uplift you or make you feel good. But what I’ve been noticing while being out here like, people are very negative. And that little subtle vibe in the room that everybody is scared to be over, to stand out to be their true authentic selves, that takes guts to be and do and not everybody has what it takes. How am I trying to explain this?

Everybody on the bus Wants to feel seen or noticed or like they’re supposed to be ‘better’ and the whole time I’m like man if only I had my own car I wouldn’t be on the bus or the train right now having to ignore this mf up here trying to own the floor by not doing anything or being anything. It’s so annoying.

I don’t want no bums in my face at 4 and 6 am. Like really you really have to watch who you hang around and what you absorb, what you let people talk to you about, what you’re listening to, you don’t want to take on the persona of that type of energy. And these mfs out here be dead looking for somebody to mess with to bring down into misery with them. Otherwise why they’re out here smoking drugs. Why they smoking it at the bus stop or train station within it blowing down this way (talking about those noise shits) like bitch you chose to start smoking that shit, go hide off in a corner or dark alley and smoke that shit by yourself. Then they sit up here trying to still be around somewhat normal other people and it’s like you’re not on this side of normal with that shit in your brain sitting up here like they actually matter and they don’t. Ain’t nobody out here tryna be friends with no bums. And duck all that tryna be nice shit cause I’m not giving them shit. And it’s no feeling sorry for them because they’ll walk in front of you on purpose just to try and make you mad, then they did something to hopefully make you feel low like them.

And I’m saying breaking free from the matrix because if you don’t have headphones on then anybody’s conversations floating around is passing by you. And these mfs not talking about shit. You can guess if it’s an innuendo but with all the beautiful things in the world to think about who cares what some bum is saying to be heard out loud as some clue or some signal about what they’re looking at on you.

When I’m on the trains and buses I’ll turn my head away. I’m not looking up to see every person getting on the fucking bus. I mean who fucking cares. Know they’re fucking broke, a bum, look what they’re riding. And who cares what they have going on in their life, their on public transportation not looking to befriend a mf who has nothing.