so you think you safe cause you act like them? They gon turn on you too, 666, red, voices, matrix, nobody

Everything is a game. Everybody in they spot to play and they better do it on cue. They pay you to bump into somebody else or say a word, but they gon turn on you too,

Type it for me, I’ll think it,

Show me magic

Tired People, the Public, Fed Up With Everything

Ugh. I’m so disgusted and annoyed. And I wouldn’t even feel this way if I was already at home, relaxed, I have everything I need, peace and quiet, you know, how you be at home.

But being out here on the streets, you working on everything from, home, career and self, and in the meantime you gotta put up with all these other people out here who don’t have a clue of self and so all you feel attacked, all the time. Police, fighting, arguments, all that shit comes from low vibrational creatures and mfs out here who are lacking. Nobody who isn’t worried about if they have enough for parking are out on public transportation. So you out riding it and so these mfs be in competition with each other.

I already feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. And so since I’m sitting off by myself, you don’t see too much of that out here, outside on the streets and it’s like people want to bother that. You’ll see people just pop up out the blue and stand and lurk around you for no reason. They’ll try and come up with a stupid question, and there a bum, some blue pill smoking ass addict, tryna ask you for a cigarette.

I’m so tired of bums it’s like, they make me angry because, I’m sleeping at the bus stop and hear mfs the only ones walking around in the middle of th night. So my own issue is finances. So that being my only thing, I don’t give a fuck about who else is suffering out here on the streets because because he Freddy for other peoples energies. And these same ones that be out smoking and everybody feeling sorry for be the main ones causing stress and chaos and bullshit because they don’t know how to handle themselves. Just yesterday some stupid mexican bitch pushed a security guard into me after he asked me to leave cause this hit was yelling at ME talking about oh she defending Mexico. Now when she like oh let’s meet outside and I met her and this bitch still standing there talking shit, I could have been someone to really stick it to her. So now I gotta go to court next week to defend myself, like bitch you can’t get mad because you mad about what somebody saying about mexican. FUCK A GOTDAMN MEXCIAN.

They be out here talking shit tryna hurt people with words all the time, now all of sudden these wet back fuckers wanna get offensive? They don’t own this fucking country. They not the only ones who work or own businesses. They not the one true race, don’t nobody care about being no fucking mexicain , don’t nobody give a fuck about Mexico.

I’m saying that because I’m over on the west coast, Arizona. And so it’s mostly like interracial shit if you do see black peoples fucking with them. And it’s like they be tryna seem nice to seem like a a savior or nice group of people, when really they want to snag a black person to enslave them mentally and want all the others to see them.

These mfs don’t be NOBODY. Do you know how many people wish they were famous or could get noticed on Hollywood blvd? So nobody has time to entertain bums off the street. So the solution is to not be out here with them. They don’t have no fucking money, only bums come to the library, so you know it’s only bullshit here. And all the other places where broke, bum, basic mfs come to. Tired of being crowded by bums and they too fucking needy. Want somebody to look at them too bad. Don’t be having shit going on. At least in L.A. you got a couple dudes tryna sell knicks and knacks on the train, out here in Phoenix these mfs ain’t doing shit but smoking fucking pills. That shit stinks and it’s fucking ugly. So all it is is you surrounded by zombies unless you have a car. And these mfs got these lil part times, and ssi, and they tryna fill up the positions with just mexicans, so it’s nothing but bullshit all around.

It’s just annoying and then you be like fuck people because all they tryna do is make you feel low so it’s like, bitch you not my race, well fuck, you, fuck you. And so it’s like you got to beat them another way. They no smarter than nobody else. It ain’t nothing but negative energy out here and so it’s like, whatever whisper energy they on, and all that oh everybody supposed to know some secret code, and every head nodding and shit, bitch I’m not listening to no voices in nobody else head. That’s not my issue. And all they be doing is tryna spread they misery. How you gon be out here smoking heroin for 25 years then think yo logic putting up with somebody that’s not doing that. Then kids be tryna play smart but it’s like ok, you tryna read adult body movements, why you ain’t no child prodigy? Fuck that.

They sitting up here tryna act like witches and wizards and don’t have shit. Why feel like everybody talking about you? These mfs can’t fuck with you if you not around that shit they try to dish out. They can only try to be in competition with each other. They can’t get to no higher level. So me not fitting in out here, they like tryna target me because I seem like fresh pure meat. I’m not tryna be seen by them, I don’t need their validation or opinion and that’s what they be expecting. Then they see, oh you a tough black cookie, they wanna try to disarm you and play nice. Whole time you see the demon in they’re face. And I’m just tired of playing thee games. That’s why I don’t talk to nobody out here. And yet and still be running into issues with these fucking bums.

Bitch obviously yo ass ain’t get you no ride or got no rich dude pulling over to pick you up or order you no Uber to take you where you going. So don’t be tryna stand at the crosswalk tryna seem more seen than me cause you you still walking. And that’s all they be doing. They can’t reason logic because they’re stupid.

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Breaking Freely From The Matrix, Own Your Reality

I don’t even know what to call this blog. Lately, I don’t know I guess I just fell different. I think maybe my paradigm is shifting. Like what I’m noticing about people. I’m not even tryna talk about other people m, like duck other people especially if they’re not trying to uplift you or make you feel good. But what I’ve been noticing while being out here like, people are very negative. And that little subtle vibe in the room that everybody is scared to be over, to stand out to be their true authentic selves, that takes guts to be and do and not everybody has what it takes. How am I trying to explain this?

Everybody on the bus Wants to feel seen or noticed or like they’re supposed to be ‘better’ and the whole time I’m like man if only I had my own car I wouldn’t be on the bus or the train right now having to ignore this mf up here trying to own the floor by not doing anything or being anything. It’s so annoying.

I don’t want no bums in my face at 4 and 6 am. Like really you really have to watch who you hang around and what you absorb, what you let people talk to you about, what you’re listening to, you don’t want to take on the persona of that type of energy. And these mfs out here be dead looking for somebody to mess with to bring down into misery with them. Otherwise why they’re out here smoking drugs. Why they smoking it at the bus stop or train station within it blowing down this way (talking about those noise shits) like bitch you chose to start smoking that shit, go hide off in a corner or dark alley and smoke that shit by yourself. Then they sit up here trying to still be around somewhat normal other people and it’s like you’re not on this side of normal with that shit in your brain sitting up here like they actually matter and they don’t. Ain’t nobody out here tryna be friends with no bums. And duck all that tryna be nice shit cause I’m not giving them shit. And it’s no feeling sorry for them because they’ll walk in front of you on purpose just to try and make you mad, then they did something to hopefully make you feel low like them.

And I’m saying breaking free from the matrix because if you don’t have headphones on then anybody’s conversations floating around is passing by you. And these mfs not talking about shit. You can guess if it’s an innuendo but with all the beautiful things in the world to think about who cares what some bum is saying to be heard out loud as some clue or some signal about what they’re looking at on you.

When I’m on the trains and buses I’ll turn my head away. I’m not looking up to see every person getting on the fucking bus. I mean who fucking cares. Know they’re fucking broke, a bum, look what they’re riding. And who cares what they have going on in their life, their on public transportation not looking to befriend a mf who has nothing.

All Damn Day | Blogs from the Streets

And I mean it’s like no break, first one train comes then the next one don’t come til 20 minutes so now these mfs over here tryna get your attention the whole ducking time, I’m just chilling here, it’s really nowhere else to chill, phone just died, and you know there’s no three prongs or isb ports, so it’s nothing to entertain. Unless I crack open a book, but that draws more attention it feels like, or that’s not holding my attention cause I just wanna be at home so bad then like I keep mentioning all that’s out here are drug addicts. Out here carrying all type of weight and Demond and skeletons and you don’t wanna be out here just absorbing everybody else’s shit. I don’t understand why being out here homeless when God knows I can’t stand just being out here like this. I don’t even want them sitting around me, because it’s not pleasant. It’s very annoying. You see them out of your peripheral and it’s like all they want is a glance but who the fuck are they when I don’t get any type of fulfillment off of that. I guess I’m the only different one standing out out here. Because I don’t feel the need or compelled to wanna engage with them. They either looking to steal, or fuck with you, hoping you smoke like them. What type of shit, what type of joy does bei mg around or hanging around people out on the streets who ain’t doing nothing but smoking dope?

I mean I would rather be at home. Honestly. I mean after five years of homelessness, wouldn’t you feel the same? You’d get tired of this right? And jail ain’t no quiet place. Same type of mfs in there cause they the same ones out on the streets getting arrested. And so you don’t have anybody to talk to. You don’t have anybody to relate to and it’s sad and depressing, and then on top of that you constantly running into people all day. All you ask yourself is what am I gaining from this? I mean cause I can just chill by myself, I don’t need nobody sitting around me I don’t know, don’t like, tryna be around my calm. Cause I feel agitated and not wanting to share my peace and calm. I mean I know it’s the bus stop but damn. But in actuality out here isn’t a secure safe haven for me. Thank God for grace and mercy and shield of protection over my life. I haven’t s’en not one, well yeah a person sort of made me laugh today. And I even got a mini quick sketch portrait. Second time someone out here wanted to draw me. But even still. I mean what’s the advancement of being around other homeless people. The task is to find as much pretty in it as I can, but honestly it’s draining, it’s ugly, the last time I probably had a shower was maybe two weeks ago. Maybe. I did that last month. I have a body odor. This cotton shirt is hot.

And then there’s this pressure, that you want to get off your back. Feeling like people watching you, talking about you, then there’s tiny moments where it’s quiet you don’t feel like that. And sometimes there’s these small whispers from people that be like ‘we’re in your head’ then a movement from somebody off in the corner, and it’s just so annoying and distracting and I have better things to do with my time. I don’t give a fuck what this person is doing or looks like. More than likely they just want my attention. And they don’t mind staring at you, hoping you react to their little jerk movements or whatever. So yeah l. And then you don’t look up because you’re just writing this entry on the phone. Then the doors on the train close, oh but look here comes someone m that you haven’t looked up at and suddenly they just want you to look at them, oh now it’s ’what’s up family’? I guess cause you didn’t look up at them, so some bitch can feel special walking on the platform with their ‘man’, it’s so annoying.

At this point I don’t even care about friends. Except the right ones, you the 40 and the rest go them… ugh and then the one just walked back, but it’s a calculated ‘huh’ to stop and turn around and look at you just at the point where it’s standing right in your face, you ever notice that? No, because you’re not out camping at the damn metro rail station.

Could have toook the other way around on the other front side of the platform,

Like this video:

See how the guy went the other way with the bike? He came the same way they came from, but instead they approached me and tried to squeeze past me and my bike, I’m looking the total other way, where the camera was facing after the bitch pushed past me, and that’s why they did that, wanting my attention so bad. Was it that necessary just to get on the last car of the train ? And that’s what people be doing. Do get some type of reaction. I guess it was supposed to mean something cause tu is bitch was light skinned with curly hair but you see the vibes. Anybody who doesn’t have time for that drama, you won’t catch them tryna out stand somebody on the platform. I recorded that because they came my way. All this space and they wanted to stand at the whole need of the platform with me, just to push pst me? And her feet was ashy, so bitch if you would walk out the house with ashy feet you obviously aren’t a high class woman therefore don’t deserve respect and just a cheap ass bitch, their whole mentality is war, unnecessary competition (there’s none) and pettiness. That’s why they or still out here catching the train.

And there are other videos I have but it’s not compared to what I actually deal with on a daily basis. I’m just tired of it being so crowded with the wrong shit and the wrong vibes and the wrong people.

Then you got everybody camping out at the same spots, same areas, cause it’s really nowhere to go. And I’m grateful for perfect eyesight, I wear my shades nearly day and night, not wanting people staring from afar tryna look at my eyes for a whole 2inute ride, causing more unnecessary paranoia, so I stand out more with the shades on attracting all this attention, and you don’t see too many people wearing shades out here even though it’s hot ass Arizona. And so, there’s this whole train route from Mesa to fucking Phoenix and along the whole thing it’s nothing but homeless drug addicts, at all the damn stops. Nowhere to camp out or hide your phone, you bet not get no damn tent cause how are you going to keep up with that, I’ve had a tent stolen, with a suitcase in it, or maybe the warehouse threw it away, but I didn’t see it. I can’t camp out in no tent all day. So you riding the train, especially if you miss that 4am when the temp place opens just to sit there til three hours later if you even get sent out on an assignment and then you might because they sending out the mexicans or who they like more. And how toxic it feels to your morning being around people like that. These mugs at the temp place struggling. Ain’t got no conversation, you can feel that negative dry energy and don’t want people like that around your space, especially that early. And peoples vibes travel, but you gotta build that wall, and that’s probably why I’m so fed up because this is how it’s been for fives years.

I hardly keep up with the news, i mean I’m already dealing with this, but it rained yesterday, and now the wind is blowing and it feels cooler than the day, though it felt like a typical hot Arizona day all day. But I was just like, yeah this breeze feels nice. I’m just wanting to snack on something but then I’d have to get back on the train, ride it, walk to the store, then wait 20 minutes to come back. Like it’s so unnecessarily feel like that small shit be a chore but, I may just avec to wait until tomorrow to get something to eat.

Then you wanna enjoy your precious days. Not just sitting up hoping for tomorrow to get here or to be closer to tomorrow. That’s how jail feels. You have to find something to do. Something to keep yourself up. Be lucky to be around to be around people you love.

And cracking open this book, it’s like you don’t want anyone to see you studying, out here. I went to the library today. Thankful it’s one that’s open on Sunday’s here. But my phone drained because of the slow charging charger I have. Little inconveniences. Like not having headphones. And watching what goes back and forth through your ears. Cause if people think you can hear them and you’re not looking at them their joy getting no type of nothing from you off you, all that shit just bouncing off you, they wanna make some noise. Then it don’t be about shit. Hate to even use the word hate but hate to even have to overhear it because it’s like stfu you’re not making any sense. It’s to a pint where it’s like no, I do not have sympathy for them out here. I really don’t. And my thing is is that I’m trying so hard to care for my own personal well being, emotionally to wear if I don’t want it put up with people at temp job I won’t go. I want to be an entrepreneur but do you think you’d get any guidance from a sensible person out on the streets. No one wants to feel used. So you just be tryna look for better people. Want the wrong ones to leave you alone and get out of your face. Know I might be funky, which I’m rarely even without showering for a little while, but showering actually makes you happier studies show.

When I write these posts, I mean there was drought. Lost passwords to other blog logins. But blogging is something I really wanted to take serious and this is just what I’m dealing with in the meantime and I’m really just looking forward past everything to really be at home. And I have to be cautious because even certain complexes I don’t want to be in because of the type of people that live there. Plus with my background. I mean I didn’t start getting in trouble until I started off as being transient. So over the course of five years there have been me getting arrested . People bothering me really. Me being by myself. Sensitive. Stupid shit.

And even with that, I don’t go to no therapist, I write I journal. I used to a lot more than I do now, and since losing so many journals, poems, to the point where everything I have on me now is everything I own and absolutely have right now. I don’t carry suitcases, try not to carry extra bags, I just wake up and go. Can’t deal with no shelter. I’ve had brand news pairs of vans stolen after wearing the same shoes damn near a month and a half, then got a job at the museum in NY and first paycheck got me a fresh new pair of vans. Come back from the shower one morning it’s time to be out at 7, fucking shoes gone from in front of the bed. 4 people in a room, plenty people on the same floor, people be coming to see other people from the other floors as well. But that’s another.

Even if you’re not, I have to leave a note here on earth that I exist. Otherwise what has this lonely journey been for? Can’t be just to hurt and lose? While some drug addict feels joy off causing a disruption tryna walk towards me as I’m walking? Hmm.

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Current Scenario: Real Talk from On the Streets, Figuratively

Scenario

(Sigh)

I’m so tired of beig out here like this. After five years of being homeless like at this point I’m truly over bei around people. I’m tired of being at bus stops upon waking up. Being. At shelters, jails, mental hospitals. All of that annoying shit. And then realizing there’s really not shit out here and even with all of these distractions and nuisances around I still have to keep a positive attitude Even doing that not wanting some evil, high, mentally ill scrambler walking down the street or on the train trying to come around and steal good energy.

People be sitting up here talking to me for no reason l. Don’t be bothering nobody, and a bum would come over just to see if I respond, just to be seen, or whatever it is, they’re not regular people. First of all no ones just going to trust some bum walking down the street and assume just because they’re homeless and smoke fetnyal they’re harmless. You’d think if you say a simple no they’d go away but even with that, I’m not sitting up here at 4 and 5 am to talk to no fucking bum. It’s so freaking N annoying!

These people out here be having bad energy, bad attitudes l, all these people out here looking for validation, wanna be seen, and really nobody’s at a position where that’s the example to follow. These mfs on the trains and buses don’t have anything. I barely see anyone ever reading or doing anything productive, so it’s really no inspiration. Pretty much anywhere along this whole train route bums are. And it’s like the people that work at the gas stations are more comfortable with people like the bums and addicts than someone who is obviously not like them.

I have meat on my bones. I’m weari my shades. It’s hot as the middle of hell out here in Phoenix, so I’m having on these clothes, long sleeves and caps and head coverings, which probably gets me more stared at because it’s not a lot of people my skin color out here that’s out on the streets that’s not on drugs and not tryi mg to just fit in with everyone else. Cause these mexicans out here think they superior to opposites and they are hateful and have bad vibes. They think they’re people is supposed to be automatically liked or looked at, and these females really be trash and dumb. I see it like bitch you workin go at the gas station or some temp place or whatever whatever you doing is not better just because it’s a lot of mexicans out here. They be tryna subtlety make it seem like if a mexican bitch a bum an obvious prostitute or drug addict is supposed to get a pass for not being shit just because h the e bitch that race. They not the only ones to have businesses or who work. Then they out here making it seem like if a black person latches on to them they some savior but it’s to look like oh I have this black person on a leash everybody look. And both of their asses sittting out here homeless as fuck.

I can’t stand no mf that smoke cigarettes. I hate drug addicts and bums. There’s no sympathy from me about no bum cause guess what these be he main people out here causing trouble. It’s certain places they won’t walk into or go because they know they don’t fit in there. Just because they got on a dress today riding the train, bitch you not cute, you not sexy, everybody sits on these damn seats, they’re not sanitized, ain’t nobody out here tryna save no bus fare just to park at some park and ride, nobody’s gonna assume you’re not homeless or have a car, no it’s just some bum bitch on the train. And this is the only spot where they can ‘show’ off for the next person and nobody’s on these fucking trains or buses but broke bum mfs!

I’m like if these mfs not buying what I’m selling ain’t no need for me to really talk to them cause somewhere along that, it’s a waste of time, they ain’t going nowhere, they got narcissistic tendencies, they don’t have no conversation, they too hung up on who sees them out on the street, like they be talking and whispering to the next stranger. I dont give a fuck about no gang stalking shit, I’m the only one in my own thoughts, my own mind. And ain’t nobody else finna sit up here and be born tryna make it seem like I haven’t. Then all they doing out here is tryna see me. And I hate it. Cause I’m not getting good vibes back, it doesn’t feel useful to me to sit up here just cause somebody walking down the street to give them some acknowledgement, cause that’s the common thing of how commoners do out here. I’m not no regular schmegular out here. That’s why I can’t do temp jobs, even the dispatchers be jealous of me trying not to send me out on assignments after I been up there since 4 am. Shit like that.

People really be jealous of me out here. And I think I physically see the matrix right in front of me. Like it’s not even funny. I can’t do no shelters, as wide open as it is out here, like it’s not meant to live out on the streets l, anywhere you go is a space for somebody to try to fuck with you if you not at home or have something to back you up. Don’t go to know cheap ass circle k cause only bums and broke people go there. Ain’t nobody reading or even talking about shit on the trains but they fucking problems and issues, and what license or if they tryna get,. It’s so irritating. Then if they see you don’t have on headphones, plus you’re not looking at them or up when someone gets on the train, here goes the conversations tryna say something to be heard, all this old stupid kindergarten shit and it’s like I could be at the flea or market or some shit meeti mg better people. I highly fucking doubt if these neighborhoods around here making eight million a week off drugs. These bums out here on the street don’t have shit. Police ain’t doing shit, all the trouble is fucking fetnyal addicts and so they treat everybody like that, they soft and weak out here in Arizona and they don’t expect nobody to retaliate or combat them. They got that same systematic approach to either try and fuck with you to see if you gon get loud, even if you just sitting there not doing nothing, it’s so many other people in the library , why this mf only over here talking about am I ok? Like, I don’t have to respond to anybody. Actually it’s best not to say anything to them cause they like arguing anyway. As stupid as they are.

It’s so annoying that I’m not even interested in the next person. Some mf carrying a fucking book bag or bag, what use is that for me?

That’s why I’m not at the shelter. It’s not healthy to be around that type of energy for too long. You there for a voucher, somewhere to stay and save your money, if it was just that, it’s doable, you can deal, I put up with it for a month, another place 3 maybe two, but realize you out here with all these people and they got all this bad energy on them, they ain’t used to nothing but sitting up not not doing anything everyday so they don’t mind looking and watching you, they don’t mind tryna make trouble for you, the bum bitches wanna feel feminine knowing that they not in the state where they’re desired, some other addict fucking on them, that’s it, then they wanna try and stand in front of me or on the other side at the desk, when it’s rude to do that when a person up here talking about tryna get a bed, bitch you have no respect, you do not know how to conduct yourself. These mfs a come up on you and touch you for no reason. Where do they do that and somebody doesn’t get shot? Like nobody said anything to them or even looked at them? What, that’s supposed to be ok just because this bitch is obviously a crack head. That’s what makes it even fucking worse! I don’t want no ducking bum touching me. But if I wild the fuck out then it’s gon have to be some explaining to do. And they like drama. It’s this light this glow about me, like I shouldn’t be around no bums at all. And when I say I dislike em and I don’t have any sympathy for them, understand I been out here homeless for five years.

And I’m extreme not tired of sharing space with other people. It causes so much unnecessary distress. And then it makes it seem so fucking small when it’s all this fucking space, then out here walking, here got all these eyes, then it seem like all these ppl just bunched up in the same spaces. Same sidewalk, same way, then they tryna act big out here like ain’t nobody feeling like ‘no, bitch you get the fuck out of MY way!’ It’s so annoying. Go up to the damn self check out thing at the library, somebody’s there. Wasn’t nobody there on my way to the restroom. How ironic is that. Then it’s like ok just cause you look at this person doesn’t mean they probably aren’t a mass shooter, but you looking up or in this persons face, who has sunglasses head covering and long clothing on, that doesn’t make you tough!

I can’t stand the simple minded behavior out here. You’re not going to see any millionaires camping out at no damn library, they can buy anything here! Only ppl that need wifi or a library card is a broke mf that really is caught up in this matrix dude. It’s so annoying.

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Not Racist it’s Just Certain People I Don’t Like

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I’m not a hateful person. I haven’t even published my book yet. I know previous posts are probably seem all over the place but in actuality with everything that I’ve experienced I’m actually in a good place and am truly favored because I refuse to give up. Even with all of the feelings of anxiety, and paranoia, and undiagnosed ptsd, I’m doing a lot better. I can’t speak for anyone else. Over the past five years I have grown selfish because you start to see that people don’t care about you I here on these streets. People just want to use you and make you feel low and expect you to feel beneath them. And when you don’t fall into any of ‘their’ categories you are automatically outcasted and it’s tough being a line Woolf, a pariah.

You got people hating on you but when you walk in the room they tryna sneak and really mirror how you are. I know I walk around like I don’t need not none mf out here, and i don’t. I smoke my cannabis, I drink my wine, I’ve even tried drugs not even for a long period of time. After almost ODing doing any other substance besides weed or alcohol was never that serious for me. So I really don’t relate to a person out here who keeps doing that, especially anything harder than meth. I’m not out here knocking nobody for whatever they do, I’m sayi mg for my own life, it’s certain shit and certain people that you don’t want to be around. And it’s a certain vibe that I don’t want lingering around me.

So when you reading and like oh look at these words like wet back and shit, ok fuck you. You’ve heard worse. You’ve said worse. Stop being a hypocrite.

You can love people from a distance. Some people aren’t capable of love. I’m not looking for no damn mexican to hand me shit. It’s a lot of them out here out west and they walk around with their chests out cause it’s a lot in number but they’re not no better than any other race. Other people sell drugs, other people do construction, they team up with the white people to try and keep that racist mentality up against black people. So now you got black people out here like the lost children of Israel, not even liking each other and black peoples have their own culture just like any other race. They want black people to feel under them.

It’s not about no damn politics, you can’t have bums living out on the streets in tents talking about no damn trump. And if a damn immigrant can come over here and have a damn business so can anybody else.

So my experiences out here in Arizona is like, fuck this place. Because you can tell their hateful, it’s all in the air. Nobody’s doing anything here but on meth, it’s hard to sell anything to anyone out here because they want black people out low and so they won’t support you. And so it just becomes fuck other races, fuck other people. And then they be tryna treat the bums like they somebody. How you gon be out here causing trouble for other people like you won’t get killed?

And so it’s a seperation, a division, and it’s really easy to see.

Idk who people are whispering to, sounds like this low whisper that people be doing to each other, like they know each other, and it’s all at the stores, places, like people see my light, and just want me to fail. So I can’t even make friends out here because these are nobody’s out on the streets and it seems people just want to be seen with me, these bums to try and hope other people on the streets see them with me.

And that’s tiring, boring, annoying.

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Anxiety, Weed, God and Homeless

It’s not my problem where anybody else is in their lives. You got homeless people all over. At the beginning when I first was homeless, I used to feel sort of bad for the people, like a little kid visiting a animal shelter of sick pets. Ohh, nobody should be homeless, it’s so sad, blah blah fucking blah. I’m at the point now where I do not give a fuck about homeless people and I actually hate these fucking bums.

See, these mfs with these carts be the main ones starting shit. Why? I mean what is there left: homeless, mental, miserable. It be the main motherfuckers with these carts and bookbags trying to start shift with people. Get in your way, start yelling for no reason, stand by you, they want a reaction, feel like somebody notices them because they know they aren’t shit. This is how they try to feel included with somewhat regular society.

I’m walking down these small ass sidewalks, I cringe at the site of a fucking bum coming my way. They have nothing better to do, they’ll stand there, in the way. Or try to bump into you to get to argue with them. Fuck that. It’s their own fault. This is why nobody cares. Nobody’s gonna fucking baby you. There’s all types of shelters and shit out here. Barely any showers and of course no one wants a bum washing up in their establishment but after a certain point it’s a choice.

I don’t even know why they’re at the fucking shelters. Just to leave again. I mean I don’t care but it’s like damn, while I’m here, I mean the shelter shit is their domain, I hate even sharing any type of space with these dirty ass bums. They don’t know how to take care of shit. Then walking around like somebody’s supposed to feel sorry for them or something. Shit.

But back to these carts and bookbags and shit. All these bags and dirty shit, crowding up the train, and the sidewalks, it just makes everything feel so ugly. Now I’m like I see anybody with a damn bag, suitcase, automatic bum. And I need to be as far away from them as possible. Don’t even say anything to these motherfuckers. Buy a coffee or a meal or something. I mean do nice shit but you know, you can’t be around these people. So yeah.

Update since I first started this post from November 2021. So much has happened. Been in AZ four months, jail four times in those months, since being in PHX. And I wasn’t even trying to stop here on my solo car road trip across the country. This sont my first trek across the country like this. First time back five years ago when I first became homeless and been since then. Each year that went by was more stressful than the last. It’s to the point now where you see certain type of people or energy you just don’t want to be around. Trust me if you were living out here on these streets you’d feel a different way about people. It’s hard to really keep a good attitude when you got a bunch of hating ass, dirty, negative broke people around who aren’t doing anything than to try and seem like a big person off the next person on the train.

These mfs out here disrespectful too. I don’t carry weapons, I stay to myself and I don’t bother with nobody. You already know what type of people out here. Only ones that’s gon be cool with ppl like them is other bums or drug dealers. All that smoking getting high off these ugly drugs out here that’s not cute. Can’t no meth addict sit up here and try to compete with somebody focused on building wealth for themselves. And if you try to be too humble, whatever that means, they tryna sit up here like oh that’s what’s supposed to be done for them. It’s cool to be nice. That’s God’s way, I just don’t like how ppl be tryna make you feel low or beneath them.

Who wants to walk to the train station at four in the morning down the street where the shelter is on 12th ave in Phoenix, when you got three way traffic and it’s tents on every when way you stand at that corner. How can you put up with dealing with that every days when these mfs out here robbing, stealing, high with no though process, all this crazy shit going on out in the world, you can’t say that wouldn’t spook you? You don’t want to say nothing to hear mfs, they don’t have any money or shit you want. They ride the same trains with no money, sleep, dirty, and understanding how hard it is, but it’s like you get tired of being around that shit every fucking day. You don’t see nobody reading. If you sit off anywhere off where this train route goes for too long, here comes one of them, they crowding the sidewalks, staring in your face til you walk by, you got addicts sitting outside of circle k growling at you and shit til it’s where where the fuck are you supposed to give away from all this shit?

Cause with hygiene, I mean if you got the money you could get a shower at the travel center, if you’re not on your period and don’t have any accidents or incompetence, that could last a week. I don’t get funky like that, but I do sweat. I try to stay covered from the sun, I got my shades, face mask, good on, gloves, cause I have a bike now l, but the front tire is flat and the pedals seem so hard to push even with the gear in low mode so it constantly feels like uphill for no reason. So when I show up people are looking. People like starting shit. Then you gotta get through paranoia. If you riding the hike and the ppl around these neighbors hide, you don’t know what’s a ‘good’ or not, they see you going this direction or you gotta be going to circle k on this street, seem like mfs be waiting for you to get there. The neighborhood watchers, mfs a pull up to sit there, then pull off, not get out, just when you leave. And it’s like they want you to see them.!

I got meat on my bones, so that’s another stand out that I’m out here like them. Cause you know a lot of addicts are skinny. I tried meth before. Most I smoked it was a month or so. Not everyday either. After one time of feeling like it was too Nintendo I never put that shit inn my nose again. One time I came out here in 2019, and even got my own pipe. That’s when you become a crack head. But I did not stay on this shit. I probably smoked crack and didn’t know it. From a pipe. Thought it was crystal meth. I put a few crumbs in my weed blunt, but nothing long term. I s mostly smoke weed and drink. I drank so much, and most times I wouldn’t eat, I weight nearly 150 and I had been

Surviving the Streets and your Mental Health | Broke and Loneliness | Anxiety and Depression from the Library

In so tired of these any and every bodies out here. It’s like if you are trying to get something going for yourself you gots to filter and suck and dodge everybody else that’s out here. If you’re smart you should already know who and what who isn’t good for you out here. Crackhead fucker that doesn’t… what was I saying because I just went to the restroom at the library…

Yeah, but it’s just so annoying because you every type of anybody out here. You can sit up here be nice, cordial, kind, and all that but you can’t always guarantee that the next person is just off over here by you on good intentions. Now, to keep up with the law of attraction I mean you can’t be conjuring up bad thoughts. On top of that with whatever you’re dealing with you have to be positive about. Even though you know this hype, most like fentanyl smoking addict is over by here by the bus top looking for drugs or either trying to fuck with you because it’s already high or fucked up.

Now, if you’re lucky enough to have a car or an apt, even if you’re low on funds, going to a job you hate, hey, at lost you’re not out here exposed to the dangers the worries the uncomfortably of being out here with strangers. And too if you’re not black because it’s like they still subtlety trying to make shit hard for black people. And so it’s noticing all this shit, having to deal with it and still trying to find somewhere to live l, I mean it’s set up to set you over the edges

You don’t have any friends. Your family can’t help because I mean I come from good people, one of my parents was an addict and I know for a fact it’s been not used in over twenty years. And that family member is near and dear to me and still had more sense than a lot of these fiends out here thinking somebody just supposed to come by and lift them all the way up, care so much, to where they’re not homeless, people aren’t treating them left out because they’re black, I mean it’s irrational.

So you got these people out here in competition with each other. But the only somebody a bitch at circle k can ‘compete’ with is another bitch at circle k. Because any bitch that’s got anything going for herself you gon try your best to avoid unnecessary areas and you already know what type of people hang out at circle k. They don’t even have quality products it’s just high as hell like 7-eleven. So, you know you black, got on bum clothes cause you haven’t showered in a week or so, then you come up in here and these bitches just got up out the bed, probably off today l, like anybody is supposed to know that, but this bitch think that, and whatever the fuck it might the thinking who cares because the bitch on fetnyal anyway, so it’s like, they get big chested and want to put on a whole show for thé block girl.

Everybody wants to show you how they don’t like you. Black dudes look at the light skinned and Mexican girls instead. Even if the bitch sitting off on the curb, broke, they’ll give tu is bitch ‘courtesy attention’ like if this shit was about courtesy attention, it a be a bunch of millionaires out here tryna get everybody off the the streets for free. Since not bitch, you gotta hustle, and you gotta know what’s right and good for you. If you don’t you better tap into your intuition.

People out here not shit. And I’m dealing with it from allow vantage point, right now. I don’t have nobody taking me in, I don’t have a hotel room or even a stable job right now. I can’t even deal with emotionally working around these type of people for 8 hours because they be tryna make shit harder than it needs to be for 8 hours. It’s a little cooler if you in Atlanta and it’s more black people than hating ass evil Mexicans but you don’t want o be out there without no car either. Because those trains and buses be where bums at, going nowhere, people mad starting shit and the people working there just like the people on the streets and they live drama. They live sending a mf off with no justice, ohh this person bumped into you there’s nothing we can do, but let you have a hammer l, let you have a gun, what now? I can resolve this shit, then you gotta deal with part work and questioning, but everybody’s blind eyed to these nobodies out here fucking with people.

I can’t stand the sight of a fucking bum. And I’m not tryna block my blessings by talking about this shit and how much it bothers me. I hate bums I can’t stand people out here, they ain’t no help, it’s certain people you meet with certain clothes on, it’s nothing but addicts out here at the street. All the neighborhood mfs out here, everybody wanna seem like they run the block, all out here in punk ass Phoenix, it’s not city like where I’m from, and even still I don’t feel comfortable sleeping out on the sidewalks.

I don’t want these mfs walking around me at 1-3 in the morning, cause all they doing is looking for somebody to fuck with and steal. Who the fuck wants to be bothered with these type of people? Sure the drug dealers live em, but I mean really nobody wants to be bothered with no fucked drugged out mindless fucking fiend. Even sitting on the train a few stops of too fucking long to be around people like that. They be talking to voices and all type of shit them want somebody to feel that misery with them. Then they wanna hop in front of you to feel seems and all this shit, ok Hollywood next state over, cause you not shit out here. And it’s so annoying. To where of you not out there at the temp agency at 4am all the vrackheads get the work assignments and then you wait all day til the next day with no money for weed, your only drug of choice, don’t want no alcohol and you out here broke with no friends, and nowhere to hide, and these high broke people around you. No inspiration just straight bullshit. Cause if it’s not a bum it’s a mf walking j’y thinking they trying supposed to be so apparent and noticed and just because tu eu have on what looks like clean clothes everybody supposed to know they not homeless, everybody just supposed to guess. But fuck that mf too. Cause the only way you seeing this mf is on the train. So everybody else off in the cars doesn’t see this person, so how important is that non factor ? See, that’s what I’m saying.

So I may be dealing with anxiety and depression and not even know it. Cause that just can’t sit up here and be a problem and all that would make me feel calm is being in my house comfortable locking my door and not coming out or being bothered until I want to. After five years of straight homelessness I mean, fuck what anybody else has going on, at this point I’m selfish l, like completely. Ain’t nobody helping me or guiding me to do shit. Trying to pray and keep faith and yet still encountering these demons still with nowhere to call home, perfectly healthy. Then I mean mad ass disabled people out here arguing and shit like damn all I said excuse did you have an extra dollar, you mad cause you don’t have two legs, hmm maybe I don’t have as much problem after all!

So it’s like, after losing so many journals, my writings mean a lot to me because I don’t have friends. You can see this is why I blog. I think if I talk about this on YouTube people wouldn’t really relate because it’s like you have a job, a family, real support. Out here with nothing nobody l, everybody is against you. Everybody’s tryna use you,”. After all you’re your on person. It’s not cool being stabbed by a narcissist. How do you explain it’s not because you didn’t do anything but because that person is a narcissistic. Like I have no journals. After five years of homelessness this should be a academy award winning movie right now. A best selling book man. Do you realize how much this situation takes out of you?

You don’t even want to sit at the fucking library anymore because it’s nothing but a fucking motel for all the homeless mfs out here. You don’t want to sit at the park because they’re all on drugs, broke, probably live around there but lonely, same type of ain’t shit ain’t got shit type of people. You don’t see nobody reading or really joyful or having a good time. Then you don’t want nobody tryna come over and disturb what little good you can find to yourself. So it’s depressing. The doctors don’t care l. They just like the mfs at circle k, just want a check. Ain’t nobody loving on you or touching on you right, on your period and haven’t showered now you’re hot, mad and bleeding 🩸, just ugh.

So it’s only 1pm right now, I really don’t care. Temp agency opens at 4am tomorrow. Though the Google maps ad says 5… I got there at 6 today………

Surviving the Streets and your Mental Health | Broke and Loneliness | Anxiety and Depression from the Library

In so tired of these any and every bodies out here. It’s like if you are trying to get something going for yourself you gots to filter and suck and dodge everybody else that’s out here. If you’re smart you should already know who and what who isn’t good for you out here. Crackhead fucker that doesn’t… what was I saying because I just went to the restroom at the library…

Yeah, but it’s just so annoying because you every type of anybody out here. You can sit up here be nice, cordial, kind, and all that but you can’t always guarantee that the next person is just off over here by you on good intentions. Now, to keep up with the law of attraction I mean you can’t be conjuring up bad thoughts. On top of that with whatever you’re dealing with you have to be positive about. Even though you know this hype, most like fentanyl smoking addict is over by here by the bus top looking for drugs or either trying to fuck with you because it’s already high or fucked up.

Now, if you’re lucky enough to have a car or an apt, even if you’re low on funds, going to a job you hate, hey, at lost you’re not out here exposed to the dangers the worries the uncomfortably of being out here with strangers. And too if you’re not black because it’s like they still subtlety trying to make shit hard for black people. And so it’s noticing all this shit, having to deal with it and still trying to find somewhere to live l, I mean it’s set up to set you over the edges

You don’t have any friends. Your family can’t help because I mean I come from good people, one of my parents was an addict and I know for a fact it’s been not used in over twenty years. And that family member is near and dear to me and still had more sense than a lot of these fiends out here thinking somebody just supposed to come by and lift them all the way up, care so much, to where they’re not homeless, people aren’t treating them left out because they’re black, I mean it’s irrational.

So you got these people out here in competition with each other. But the only somebody a bitch at circle k can ‘compete’ with is another bitch at circle k. Because any bitch that’s got anything going for herself you gon try your best to avoid unnecessary areas and you already know what type of people hang out at circle k. They don’t even have quality products it’s just high as hell like 7-eleven. So, you know you black, got on bum clothes cause you haven’t showered in a week or so, then you come up in here and these bitches just got up out the bed, probably off today l, like anybody is supposed to know that, but this bitch think that, and whatever the fuck it might the thinking who cares because the bitch on fetnyal anyway, so it’s like, they get big chested and want to put on a whole show for thé block girl.

Everybody wants to show you how they don’t like you. Black dudes look at the light skinned and Mexican girls instead. Even if the bitch sitting off on the curb, broke, they’ll give tu is bitch ‘courtesy attention’ like if this shit was about courtesy attention, it a be a bunch of millionaires out here tryna get everybody off the the streets for free. Since not bitch, you gotta hustle, and you gotta know what’s right and good for you. If you don’t you better tap into your intuition.

People out here not shit. And I’m dealing with it from allow vantage point, right now. I don’t have nobody taking me in, I don’t have a hotel room or even a stable job right now. I can’t even deal with emotionally working around these type of people for 8 hours because they be tryna make shit harder than it needs to be for 8 hours. It’s a little cooler if you in Atlanta and it’s more black people than hating ass evil Mexicans but you don’t want o be out there without no car either. Because those trains and buses be where bums at, going nowhere, people mad starting shit and the people working there just like the people on the streets and they live drama. They live sending a mf off with no justice, ohh this person bumped into you there’s nothing we can do, but let you have a hammer l, let you have a gun, what now? I can resolve this shit, then you gotta deal with part work and questioning, but everybody’s blind eyed to these nobodies out here fucking with people.

I can’t stand the sight of a fucking bum. And I’m not tryna block my blessings by talking about this shit and how much it bothers me. I hate bums I can’t stand people out here, they ain’t no help, it’s certain people you meet with certain clothes on, it’s nothing but addicts out here at the street. All the neighborhood mfs out here, everybody wanna seem like they run the block, all out here in punk ass Phoenix, it’s not city like where I’m from, and even still I don’t feel comfortable sleeping out on the sidewalks.

I don’t want these mfs walking around me at 1-3 in the morning, cause all they doing is looking for somebody to fuck with and steal. Who the fuck wants to be bothered with these type of people? Sure the drug dealers live em, but I mean really nobody wants to be bothered with no fucked drugged out mindless fucking fiend. Even sitting on the train a few stops of too fucking long to be around people like that. They be talking to voices and all type of shit them want somebody to feel that misery with them. Then they wanna hop in front of you to feel seems and all this shit, ok Hollywood next state over, cause you not shit out here. And it’s so annoying. To where of you not out there at the temp agency at 4am all the vrackheads get the work assignments and then you wait all day til the next day with no money for weed, your only drug of choice, don’t want no alcohol and you out here broke with no friends, and nowhere to hide, and these high broke people around you. No inspiration just straight bullshit. Cause if it’s not a bum it’s a mf walking j’y thinking they trying supposed to be so apparent and noticed and just because tu eu have on what looks like clean clothes everybody supposed to know they not homeless, everybody just supposed to guess. But fuck that mf too. Cause the only way you seeing this mf is on the train. So everybody else off in the cars doesn’t see this person, so how important is that non factor ? See, that’s what I’m saying.

So I may be dealing with anxiety and depression and not even know it. Cause that just can’t sit up here and be a problem and all that would make me feel calm is being in my house comfortable locking my door and not coming out or being bothered until I want to. After five years of straight homelessness I mean, fuck what anybody else has going on, at this point I’m selfish l, like completely. Ain’t nobody helping me or guiding me to do shit. Trying to pray and keep faith and yet still encountering these demons still with nowhere to call home, perfectly healthy. Then I mean mad ass disabled people out here arguing and shit like damn all I said excuse did you have an extra dollar, you mad cause you don’t have two legs, hmm maybe I don’t have as much problem after all!

So it’s like, after losing so many journals, my writings mean a lot to me because I don’t have friends. You can see this is why I blog. I think if I talk about this on YouTube people wouldn’t really relate because it’s like you have a job, a family, real support. Out here with nothing nobody l, everybody is against you. Everybody’s tryna use you,”. After all you’re your on person. It’s not cool being stabbed by a narcissist. How do you explain it’s not because you didn’t do anything but because that person is a narcissistic. Like I have no journals. After five years of homelessness this should be a academy award winning movie right now. A best selling book man. Do you realize how much this situation takes out of you?

You don’t even want to sit at the fucking library anymore because it’s nothing but a fucking motel for all the homeless mfs out here. You don’t want to sit at the park because they’re all on drugs, broke, probably live around there but lonely, same type of ain’t shit ain’t got shit type of people. You don’t see nobody reading or really joyful or having a good time. Then you don’t want nobody tryna come over and disturb what little good you can find to yourself. So it’s depressing. The doctors don’t care l. They just like the mfs at circle k, just want a check. Ain’t nobody loving on you or touching on you right, on your period and haven’t showered now you’re hot, mad and bleeding 🩸, just ugh.

So it’s only 1pm right now, I really don’t care. Temp agency opens at 4am tomorrow. Though the Google maps ad says 5… I got there at 6 today………

Uncluttered Your Messy Life | Uplifting Mood from Wicked Vibrations | Rant

Currently I feel so bored with life. Being homeless is frustrating and lonely. It’s been five years and I feel like I’ve been saying that too long. Been too long around people , just constantly around people to the point I’m annoyed by other peoples presence. After a while it’s ok ok these people are crazy and don’t want anything out of life. It’s annoying. I’m not trying to complain but it’s also hot, and whenever you move you gotta take your stuff with you. It’s too hot not to have any money. And all the little things that seem to cause bigger issues. And after all of that just wanting alone time. Being careful of what I say, not talking about jail or no psychiatric hospital. Notice how all of those places are the same as homeless shelters. And reallly look into that quote about becoming who you hang around…

So it’s been scary. I don’t even know how to structure this post because I’m trying to find out why $208.53 was transferred out out of my account. So I have to get a new card. What is God up to. What am I supposed to be doing in the meantime. Cause I’m not feeling happy or fulfilled.

I have a notebook but I don’t even journal my heart out like I used to. I’ve just been holding everything in and how healthy is that. Feel like my photos in my iCloud are old and they are but I’ve been saving them til I have better clothes and not camping outside but it’s stuff like that my true authenticity that’s been my life, the real story. My big adventures.

Coming back from draft, what was I saying? Well later in the day I feel better. It’s the hounding of just people people and keeping my calm but also agitated that people just come around me, stare at me, try to block me when I’m walking. I mean that’s the point of getting my car out the tow lot to be less stressed more peaceful and in my element unperturbed by the nuisances of just everybody. It’s nobody out by the greyhound station, back here. Some guy just had to mention how he made $130 from selling weed last night. . I mean why is he telling me. Do I smoke weed. But anyway. But all of this is bypassed just having your own. W

It’s a new day and heat in the afternoon. Writing is my outlet and most of the things that go on throughout the day where you feel constantly that people are purposely trying to bother you or corner you, and be in spot where they can see and watch you. After being outside so long you see that’s how things are made and shaped, and being living outside it’s not made for that, it’s a trap a maze and all the lost people that are caught up in it, they cause trouble, even people who aren’t homeless they do the same shit homeless people do and it’s just that having the money you need keeps that type of shit more away from you. You can go home and retreat because they more you put up with the same shit and the same energy and vibes like I’m not tryna feel calicified or hardened by nobody else’s bullshit. Idk what anybody else is really doing or going through because people try to make it seem like their problems are worse than anybody’s, and I have better things to do and want to do than sit up with somebody else not seeing their own worth or being really a die hard for God, or being a better person because people make you hateful, not everybody’s the same and that friction is what causes the frustration.

So I’m sitting up here and you need to train your mind and so if this is what I’m creating then I need to change it, I can’t keep getting upset and mad by other people, but these types that’s out here are not the type of people I’m looking for anything from or to hang out with or be around. Whole time you feel they’re jealousy, I know I’m better than them and who’s going to tell me I’m not? I don’t see anything in them, these bums or anybody that I’m tryna be like. Like Oprah can bask in her wealth feel good and protect herself from bums. There’s no bums just sitting up and touching her like it’s ok and like she should like people like them. And God does for them how he does, and loving people and having good vibes is cool but not everybody is like that. And I’m not tryna be cool with these bums ex or current addicts, like this is not my crowd. They’re conversations are ugly and it’s so much better in the world to look at than a mf tryna stand and ‘face you’ just to be in your line of sight or challenge you. I don’t say shit to them, I look at the environment that I’m in. Then I’m like ok maybe it’s someone here, not like me, but do they have their head on straight, do you see better than your current situation, do you have hope and faith beyond what’s in front of you, the type of motivating people that don’t care how everybody’s looking at them they’re full of life and smiles and can scream and shout for God with out that underlying oh just because that’s what people aren’t used to they tone it down, how else will it get done differently ? I’m tied of being around simple minded people. Tired of simple minded people being around me. I’m glad to be free from jail, that’s not my topic of conversation, that’s hurt and pain and not how I lead my life. Most times I’ve been in trouble been because of my reaction off how a bum came and tried me and caused trouble for me most likely because that person was jealous of me.

I grew up in a fast city of crimes and we were homeless for a short time as youth but we never been around people just out right next to them or them in your face just up and able to stand next to you, and you don’t want o be around people like this for long. And notice how they’ll stand around for a period of time and people start showing up or trying to be around you start popping up out of nowhere it’s really strange. People have came up to me while I was sitting on the concrete and just came and stood over me, like I was supposed to notice them or look ‘up’ at them or something. People touching you on the train, and as much violent things that happen in transportation, you sit quiet to not get into a fight but what this person did, violating your space is wrong. And these people be bums and really just have no space in life and they can only move out with other bums cause if you not out here not like no bum less you gotta deal with dirty bums.

So that’s what’s frustrating about it. Over the years I’ve just I just hate homless people, they just trouble, dirty, they’re lazy, and I guess people free funding or tax breaks or whatever they do for the non profits but I don’t feel for that either, because I’ve had people that work at places like that take food from, free food out of my hands. And they treat people like they’re children, animals, something beneath, and I cringe at that. It’s resources out here, but also it’s like going to those places, they’re used to dealing with drug addicts and everybody being half minded or not all the way there and that’s how those people are, and they’re really not at a high place. These people are slaves to their 9-5, people become where they work at, and everybody’s not rich or wealthy. And that being, you can’t expect everybody’s aim to be the same. Everybody tryna fit in and feel like somebody but not everybody doings the work. And people try to categorize, I’m at this church where I’m sleeping at and I’m the only black girl here. So it’s like the white bitches tryna walk by with boots heels on, like she came all the way from the back door just to cross in front of me, and most likely she’s a crackhead meth head but want to feel pretty and seen by everybody, when really it’s me. I got meat on my bones, my brown skin is shining and it’s like they wanna feel next to me, and I don’t feel that way. There wasn’t a reason to come out the back door just to walk in front of me across the grass. You know all that little stuff that’s supposed to look causual when really they’re just mad because I’m not trying to be their friend. Can’t engage with that. And that’s what brings success. See these type of people not talking about success and being greater, all they know is tryna play games. One tryna see you here off this corner and all that. Wanna use innuendos while they talk around you, but get you some headphones, that can’t effect you. Be mindful of what you put or let pass through your mind.

So that’s my rant on being super annoyed by other people. It’s not just ha but people don’t be all the way, they hard to trust, and ain’t no trusting no crackhead. People change I guess but I’m not about to sit up here and care about that when my emotional well being is like vital to my health and because I don’t want to be bothered with just any old body my day is affected. And I have to be careful of that. I don’t talk to anybody, I mean converse really, and I pick and choose who I open up to, and most times people just think they just know, like the guy this morning talking about what he knew of the Bible but couldn’t tell me what the key to the kingdom of heaven was… and it’s like he’s one of those ones that follows anything, wanna be made feel special m, like everybody but it’s like, he said he just do as he told. It’s so annoying. But anyway. In this type of environment there’s no one in it to look up to. There’s no tryna relate to them and they wanna do is feel over you, they know they’re trashy and addicted and wasn’t somebody to feel sorry for them not trying, or wanting to care and they no regards for other people,”. My trying isn’t like they’re trying, so I really don’t care. The issue is having more money in abundance to protect my space and energy from people like them. I don’t like bums. And nobody out on the courtyard reading, but feel like ervybody looking at me… y’all don’t understand.