I’m not a hateful person. I haven’t even published my book yet. I know previous posts are probably seem all over the place but in actuality with everything that I’ve experienced I’m actually in a good place and am truly favored because I refuse to give up. Even with all of the feelings of anxiety, and paranoia, and undiagnosed ptsd, I’m doing a lot better. I can’t speak for anyone else. Over the past five years I have grown selfish because you start to see that people don’t care about you I here on these streets. People just want to use you and make you feel low and expect you to feel beneath them. And when you don’t fall into any of ‘their’ categories you are automatically outcasted and it’s tough being a line Woolf, a pariah.
You got people hating on you but when you walk in the room they tryna sneak and really mirror how you are. I know I walk around like I don’t need not none mf out here, and i don’t. I smoke my cannabis, I drink my wine, I’ve even tried drugs not even for a long period of time. After almost ODing doing any other substance besides weed or alcohol was never that serious for me. So I really don’t relate to a person out here who keeps doing that, especially anything harder than meth. I’m not out here knocking nobody for whatever they do, I’m sayi mg for my own life, it’s certain shit and certain people that you don’t want to be around. And it’s a certain vibe that I don’t want lingering around me.
So when you reading and like oh look at these words like wet back and shit, ok fuck you. You’ve heard worse. You’ve said worse. Stop being a hypocrite.
You can love people from a distance. Some people aren’t capable of love. I’m not looking for no damn mexican to hand me shit. It’s a lot of them out here out west and they walk around with their chests out cause it’s a lot in number but they’re not no better than any other race. Other people sell drugs, other people do construction, they team up with the white people to try and keep that racist mentality up against black people. So now you got black people out here like the lost children of Israel, not even liking each other and black peoples have their own culture just like any other race. They want black people to feel under them.
It’s not about no damn politics, you can’t have bums living out on the streets in tents talking about no damn trump. And if a damn immigrant can come over here and have a damn business so can anybody else.
So my experiences out here in Arizona is like, fuck this place. Because you can tell their hateful, it’s all in the air. Nobody’s doing anything here but on meth, it’s hard to sell anything to anyone out here because they want black people out low and so they won’t support you. And so it just becomes fuck other races, fuck other people. And then they be tryna treat the bums like they somebody. How you gon be out here causing trouble for other people like you won’t get killed?
And so it’s a seperation, a division, and it’s really easy to see.
Idk who people are whispering to, sounds like this low whisper that people be doing to each other, like they know each other, and it’s all at the stores, places, like people see my light, and just want me to fail. So I can’t even make friends out here because these are nobody’s out on the streets and it seems people just want to be seen with me, these bums to try and hope other people on the streets see them with me.
And that’s tiring, boring, annoying.