Tag Archives: homeless

Surviving Homelessness with a Prupose

Just recently released. So currently, I’ve traveled miraculously trying to get documentation to get my car released from impound. It’s been 22 days.

During this process I’ve been a little more anxious than usually and slightly more paranoid. It’s the being outside part. I thought I was hearing things. Like regular ppl saying my name, talking about what I was doing in the bathroom, just straight watching me. Even in jail I was hearing the negative energy trying to penetrate me.

I was wondering why was I hearing my middle name and a city the sergeant mentioned in a paper she printed off for me because she called me in the office wondering why I was yelling when really it the met head in the mental health pod screaming out racial slurs indirectly. And not that I took offense but it’s like these ppl would never say anything to me when I was out, and they stand around waiting for a reason to bump into you, or say something stupid, just to have an encounter.

Not everyone readi this would understand,. If you think you’re one of the 144, 000, then you probably get the vibes, but ppl are drawn to me, and I don’t say anything, and it’s toxic, feeling everybody and their hungry for attention, they wanna be first, seen, in front of me and all this jazz.

So, the whole two weeks I sat, I’m like ok, keep my mind sharp, I’m listening to the convos that float around, not talking to anyone, I didn’t even eat the food or come out of the room, felt like they were trouble, and they were, the guards even buzzed the door open and let other inmates in the cell I was in, with no other guard present, and I’m like the only black girl on the pod, and you’ve seen the movies. I was paranoid for like two nights.

So I get released, thinking oh it’s only gonna be around 150 usd around there, I find my car, walked three plus hours, just all this to go and get my ride. Get there, they’re like oh it’s not registered to you, after they let me in to get all the paperwork and my I’d to grab my things, that was bullshit right there because they let me in to get that, obviously I bought the car and the papers are here, oh it needs to be in the system, legally.

So, they didn’t even give me my ID after that. So it’s all this shit, I’m like ok, something is working against me, doesn’t want me to win, wants to see me walking the streets squirming, all these voices, sounds, and I know I’m not tripping. Haven’t even been smoking. I’m an avid cannabis smoker, but lately just been on ease with everything. Because I bought this car and I worked hard for it, and homelessness is stressful especially being more determined to be away from the energy of it, can’t slow down and feel sorry for everybody, wondering why ppl are looking at you sideways.

And so with voices, I’m saying in my head I’m getting my car out, I’m determined to get my car, I’m hearing opposite. But not loud. I got my car registered today. Despite the sounds against me. So whatever that isn’t doesn’t have power. And another example is from jail because when I thoughts their innuendos were about me, I said ok if that’s true, then slide your info under the door, that’s all I said out loud. Because I was in the room most of the stay, didn’t talk to anyone l, I’m in the room talking out loud to myself. What the name of my boats gonna be and all this. So, I didn’t get any info under the door, like oh could you help me wihh the bail or whatever, … test. Ok, king me.

So it’s really motivating. Can’t be stuck out here if you really want something better for yourself. And you can’t be out here bothered by the negativity or misery of other peoples. Everybody can’t see your visions. And if you find yourself in between times, make sure you making it look sexy. Never dim your light for anybody. Haters want to feel big, they know they’re not important, hurt them more by accomplishing your goals.

Crickets are chirping currrently as I’m camped out by the tags and title office until daybreak. No bums should be over here.

How They Be Treating Black Girls

Tired of this shit. I been out here homeless for four years. Not all in California, I was blessed to be able to travel a few spots around the country, the US of A that is, some may call it floating, but whatever.

The whole homeless process has literally shifted my whole perception. With nothing to do, not knowing what to do, had a lot of time to sit back and observe. It’s conclusive that ppl do the same shit all over. You ever notice the little sly little body language the Mexicans get around other Mexicans, especially when it’s a black person around. I hate how my phone is even capitalizing the word mexican. They have this superiority complex. Even the bums. And it’s so ugly.

They like to start shit, and try and make other people feel bad or lower. Notice where their bodies are turned. Like anybody gives a fuck. They think they’re slick. They try to act sweet with everybody but you can catch them in that game and beat them at it. Like mentioned, and just like anybody, they like to start shit. It’s not like Spanish is some faraway untouchable language that anybody can’t learn. Out here in California if you’re black or even white you’re outnumbered. Find a way to get around that. Learn Spanish. Get a business. This is how they act with the white people to get those food truck licenses and all that shit.

But yeah they be tryna act sweet but it’s a subtle thing going on, they’re against everybody else, they know this. It’s not about if the girls are even pretty, it’s the Mexican part. Even the parents will try and keep their kids from looking at a black person. They’ll try to stand in front of the kid. If the girls ass so happen to be prominent, that’s all she wants to be seen, that’s all, other than that she ain’t shit. They hate for Mexican dudes to be attracted to black girls. Some Mexican dudes try and make them feel better by turning their backs on the black girls. They’ll try to talk over you, play like the sweet ones.

I really fucking hate mexicans and I really wished Trump would’ve been able to deport these motherfuckers. What has a mexican ever did for America ? History don’t have them inventing SHIT that makes this country run round.

They’re a bunch of nasty people. Bitch at the bridge shelter handed me some damn granola bars with dirty ass hands. Mexican, and the bitch works there… They keep having all these damn kids taking all the food stamps and making the housing lists long. Shit, since they take care of each other so much, why is it stupid pregnant Mexican bitches in any shelters ? You can’t try and be ‘that bitch’ ohhh I jus want a cute blanket for my baby’s , sitting up here in a shelter. Trash. Yes, I’m judging.

Sit around a group of Mexicans and be black and see if they don’t try that slick little shit around you. I’m just tired of that shit. It’s stupid and it’s more concentrated out here seem like where more Mexicans are at. But even out in Doraville, Georgia where it’s more of where they live, they try to do that shit. Damn it, let me mention the Asians while I’m right here. They just try to act so damn tough, all that wide stance shit, that shit is so weak. Like really, what message are you trying to send? Because if somebody wanted to get you, they could. Doesn’t matter how far apart you try to stand.

But fuck these Mexicans. Make your money. You try and be kind and love everybody. Even if they’re not. I know it’s frustrating.

Have you ever noticed how they be tryna act though ? How have you dealt with it ?