rantings, real talk – Witheverywhere

Having no support system and staying mentally healthy while homeless and broke

just recently I arrived inGeorgia, after being stranded in Houston for a little over 1.5 months. I went to jail for stealing iphone 13 and 14 aftering being approved for them. The phones were found by scene because when I got out days before my birthday, I caught the city bus ad walked what felt like 6 hours to where I hid them in a bush. I had good intentions and having anew iPhone would have made my yutub channel look better. Plus the guy I was with was on of those hey, d you want to make a quick $100, just let us run your credit dudes, who most likely knew the guy ho worked there and they’ve been grabbing phone while theater brings a person in.

Sat 47 days for tha and had my had smashed in a cell door, and I could sue but no collateral for a good lawyer because they’re no supposed to assaulting inmates allowing a notherinmate to punch me in my head repeatedly. A nobody who admitted to already signing for 5 to 7 years. Never said anything to his batch, I was cool, quiet, pretty, dark skin, and stayed to myself.

there are nothing but homeless and drug addicts riding on that rail line inHouston. That city is more depressing than i thought arizona was, mostly phoenix. I landed a few hours in Montgomery which smelled like urine upon arriving just in the air, snd i felt kind of bad for saying a sister wast m kind in front awhite family. But i went back a 3rd time to grab amikes hard, another one, andthe black cler may havetold thewhitecler what i said, but i ased her if se thought she read minds. She said no, mentionedshewas a cancer leo mix, she didn’t say cusp, and cocane was furthest from her mind, it was my guess.

now being aGeorgia, i checked at the selters, slept at the tran stations two nights, some homeless black dude carry a roll of tissue walked by I opened my eyes, he turn around like oh do you need something to eat, he kneels and gives me two bucks, then slaps my ass, while I’m lying down next to the space hater I got from the nrg stadium which I slept at two nights even after all the tep workers weren’t assigned back probably until the rodeo. And so helike, “oh please suck my dick, let me jack off I’ll give u ten” I’m like I don’t dothat, hereu want this back, helike yeah giveit back.

Talking about te tw bucks so he wuld leavem alone and gt away, but i never fathomed how someone coul try to say sme money i theres just bcauze they gve it to smeone. Once it leavesyour hands, its not yours anymore, I’ve experienced this with homeless,mentally ill dudes wo try to be narcisstic and feel superior. Meanwhile they’re dirty and Trina get with a pretty girl who just so happens to be on te streets so thy hink you’re easy like the rest of them, not judging but ppl arelost out there on those streets and you hate have scene to care aboutyou, to tak to and make sense of things.

just to feel some peace and quiet andbalance with no extracurricular sounds or paranoia cause it’s just too much of everybody crowding around, sleeping outside, beingoutside, eatiher that or at the grocery store, or some inconvenient store just not getting any return on water im eating or spending. Just lbs I don’t see yet.

so it’s good to vent and talk to my family cause I was feeling like it was some game they were in on and some invisible was Trina block me this andthat way, then someone answered and I slept last night warm, and it’s been peaceful, it’s when I went to hegrocery store ad just ppl try and be seen too much make asleep because I be so to myself ad they’re low vibrational energy in awe about my presence then he kids want you to see them turn their back on you, like just move out the way causeyoure not important.

I’m optimistic about this month being auspicious for me, I’m grateful for my family, and my own mind. I know I’m not mental and I know I’ve never hard voicesbefore and no one reads thoughts. Whenever I get paranoid I change my thought, I have freedom to do so, so I’m in control of of what I let influence my own self.

I may try this therapy app. These ppl that be talking about gag stalking really b too caught up in it, when the focus needs t be on reprogramming your own self conscious mind, how you’re responding to your invironments. I’m glad to have alittlespaceto retreat, I don’t need alcohol or cannabis to just be. Things are looking up.

I was going to move l but really want to build my cleaning business and get a new luxury car, some pampering care, and I also want have a child. I mean mybeeven this year but I’ve been eating sounhealthy. Plus i kindof want to have a baby virgo or libra or scorpio.

this guy I met one early dark morning is a scorpio who already has kids, and I’m like should h just give me one to bring hometo my mom while she’s still alive, I mean already missing daddy. And i can still bea millionaire. But I want a good doctor and goodinsurance. God help.

Uncluttered Your Messy Life | Uplifting Mood from Wicked Vibrations | Rant

Currently I feel so bored with life. Being homeless is frustrating and lonely. It’s been five years and I feel like I’ve been saying that too long. Been too long around people , just constantly around people to the point I’m annoyed by other peoples presence. After a while it’s ok ok these people are crazy and don’t want anything out of life. It’s annoying. I’m not trying to complain but it’s also hot, and whenever you move you gotta take your stuff with you. It’s too hot not to have any money. And all the little things that seem to cause bigger issues. And after all of that just wanting alone time. Being careful of what I say, not talking about jail or no psychiatric hospital. Notice how all of those places are the same as homeless shelters. And reallly look into that quote about becoming who you hang around…

So it’s been scary. I don’t even know how to structure this post because I’m trying to find out why $208.53 was transferred out out of my account. So I have to get a new card. What is God up to. What am I supposed to be doing in the meantime. Cause I’m not feeling happy or fulfilled.

I have a notebook but I don’t even journal my heart out like I used to. I’ve just been holding everything in and how healthy is that. Feel like my photos in my iCloud are old and they are but I’ve been saving them til I have better clothes and not camping outside but it’s stuff like that my true authenticity that’s been my life, the real story. My big adventures.

Coming back from draft, what was I saying? Well later in the day I feel better. It’s the hounding of just people people and keeping my calm but also agitated that people just come around me, stare at me, try to block me when I’m walking. I mean that’s the point of getting my car out the tow lot to be less stressed more peaceful and in my element unperturbed by the nuisances of just everybody. It’s nobody out by the greyhound station, back here. Some guy just had to mention how he made $130 from selling weed last night. . I mean why is he telling me. Do I smoke weed. But anyway. But all of this is bypassed just having your own. W

It’s a new day and heat in the afternoon. Writing is my outlet and most of the things that go on throughout the day where you feel constantly that people are purposely trying to bother you or corner you, and be in spot where they can see and watch you. After being outside so long you see that’s how things are made and shaped, and being living outside it’s not made for that, it’s a trap a maze and all the lost people that are caught up in it, they cause trouble, even people who aren’t homeless they do the same shit homeless people do and it’s just that having the money you need keeps that type of shit more away from you. You can go home and retreat because they more you put up with the same shit and the same energy and vibes like I’m not tryna feel calicified or hardened by nobody else’s bullshit. Idk what anybody else is really doing or going through because people try to make it seem like their problems are worse than anybody’s, and I have better things to do and want to do than sit up with somebody else not seeing their own worth or being really a die hard for God, or being a better person because people make you hateful, not everybody’s the same and that friction is what causes the frustration.

So I’m sitting up here and you need to train your mind and so if this is what I’m creating then I need to change it, I can’t keep getting upset and mad by other people, but these types that’s out here are not the type of people I’m looking for anything from or to hang out with or be around. Whole time you feel they’re jealousy, I know I’m better than them and who’s going to tell me I’m not? I don’t see anything in them, these bums or anybody that I’m tryna be like. Like Oprah can bask in her wealth feel good and protect herself from bums. There’s no bums just sitting up and touching her like it’s ok and like she should like people like them. And God does for them how he does, and loving people and having good vibes is cool but not everybody is like that. And I’m not tryna be cool with these bums ex or current addicts, like this is not my crowd. They’re conversations are ugly and it’s so much better in the world to look at than a mf tryna stand and ‘face you’ just to be in your line of sight or challenge you. I don’t say shit to them, I look at the environment that I’m in. Then I’m like ok maybe it’s someone here, not like me, but do they have their head on straight, do you see better than your current situation, do you have hope and faith beyond what’s in front of you, the type of motivating people that don’t care how everybody’s looking at them they’re full of life and smiles and can scream and shout for God with out that underlying oh just because that’s what people aren’t used to they tone it down, how else will it get done differently ? I’m tied of being around simple minded people. Tired of simple minded people being around me. I’m glad to be free from jail, that’s not my topic of conversation, that’s hurt and pain and not how I lead my life. Most times I’ve been in trouble been because of my reaction off how a bum came and tried me and caused trouble for me most likely because that person was jealous of me.

I grew up in a fast city of crimes and we were homeless for a short time as youth but we never been around people just out right next to them or them in your face just up and able to stand next to you, and you don’t want o be around people like this for long. And notice how they’ll stand around for a period of time and people start showing up or trying to be around you start popping up out of nowhere it’s really strange. People have came up to me while I was sitting on the concrete and just came and stood over me, like I was supposed to notice them or look ‘up’ at them or something. People touching you on the train, and as much violent things that happen in transportation, you sit quiet to not get into a fight but what this person did, violating your space is wrong. And these people be bums and really just have no space in life and they can only move out with other bums cause if you not out here not like no bum less you gotta deal with dirty bums.

So that’s what’s frustrating about it. Over the years I’ve just I just hate homless people, they just trouble, dirty, they’re lazy, and I guess people free funding or tax breaks or whatever they do for the non profits but I don’t feel for that either, because I’ve had people that work at places like that take food from, free food out of my hands. And they treat people like they’re children, animals, something beneath, and I cringe at that. It’s resources out here, but also it’s like going to those places, they’re used to dealing with drug addicts and everybody being half minded or not all the way there and that’s how those people are, and they’re really not at a high place. These people are slaves to their 9-5, people become where they work at, and everybody’s not rich or wealthy. And that being, you can’t expect everybody’s aim to be the same. Everybody tryna fit in and feel like somebody but not everybody doings the work. And people try to categorize, I’m at this church where I’m sleeping at and I’m the only black girl here. So it’s like the white bitches tryna walk by with boots heels on, like she came all the way from the back door just to cross in front of me, and most likely she’s a crackhead meth head but want to feel pretty and seen by everybody, when really it’s me. I got meat on my bones, my brown skin is shining and it’s like they wanna feel next to me, and I don’t feel that way. There wasn’t a reason to come out the back door just to walk in front of me across the grass. You know all that little stuff that’s supposed to look causual when really they’re just mad because I’m not trying to be their friend. Can’t engage with that. And that’s what brings success. See these type of people not talking about success and being greater, all they know is tryna play games. One tryna see you here off this corner and all that. Wanna use innuendos while they talk around you, but get you some headphones, that can’t effect you. Be mindful of what you put or let pass through your mind.

So that’s my rant on being super annoyed by other people. It’s not just ha but people don’t be all the way, they hard to trust, and ain’t no trusting no crackhead. People change I guess but I’m not about to sit up here and care about that when my emotional well being is like vital to my health and because I don’t want to be bothered with just any old body my day is affected. And I have to be careful of that. I don’t talk to anybody, I mean converse really, and I pick and choose who I open up to, and most times people just think they just know, like the guy this morning talking about what he knew of the Bible but couldn’t tell me what the key to the kingdom of heaven was… and it’s like he’s one of those ones that follows anything, wanna be made feel special m, like everybody but it’s like, he said he just do as he told. It’s so annoying. But anyway. In this type of environment there’s no one in it to look up to. There’s no tryna relate to them and they wanna do is feel over you, they know they’re trashy and addicted and wasn’t somebody to feel sorry for them not trying, or wanting to care and they no regards for other people,”. My trying isn’t like they’re trying, so I really don’t care. The issue is having more money in abundance to protect my space and energy from people like them. I don’t like bums. And nobody out on the courtyard reading, but feel like ervybody looking at me… y’all don’t understand.

How They Be Treating Black Girls

Tired of this shit. I been out here homeless for four years. Not all in California, I was blessed to be able to travel a few spots around the country, the US of A that is, some may call it floating, but whatever.

The whole homeless process has literally shifted my whole perception. With nothing to do, not knowing what to do, had a lot of time to sit back and observe. It’s conclusive that ppl do the same shit all over. You ever notice the little sly little body language the Mexicans get around other Mexicans, especially when it’s a black person around. I hate how my phone is even capitalizing the word mexican. They have this superiority complex. Even the bums. And it’s so ugly.

They like to start shit, and try and make other people feel bad or lower. Notice where their bodies are turned. Like anybody gives a fuck. They think they’re slick. They try to act sweet with everybody but you can catch them in that game and beat them at it. Like mentioned, and just like anybody, they like to start shit. It’s not like Spanish is some faraway untouchable language that anybody can’t learn. Out here in California if you’re black or even white you’re outnumbered. Find a way to get around that. Learn Spanish. Get a business. This is how they act with the white people to get those food truck licenses and all that shit.

But yeah they be tryna act sweet but it’s a subtle thing going on, they’re against everybody else, they know this. It’s not about if the girls are even pretty, it’s the Mexican part. Even the parents will try and keep their kids from looking at a black person. They’ll try to stand in front of the kid. If the girls ass so happen to be prominent, that’s all she wants to be seen, that’s all, other than that she ain’t shit. They hate for Mexican dudes to be attracted to black girls. Some Mexican dudes try and make them feel better by turning their backs on the black girls. They’ll try to talk over you, play like the sweet ones.

I really fucking hate mexicans and I really wished Trump would’ve been able to deport these motherfuckers. What has a mexican ever did for America ? History don’t have them inventing SHIT that makes this country run round.

They’re a bunch of nasty people. Bitch at the bridge shelter handed me some damn granola bars with dirty ass hands. Mexican, and the bitch works there… They keep having all these damn kids taking all the food stamps and making the housing lists long. Shit, since they take care of each other so much, why is it stupid pregnant Mexican bitches in any shelters ? You can’t try and be ‘that bitch’ ohhh I jus want a cute blanket for my baby’s , sitting up here in a shelter. Trash. Yes, I’m judging.

Sit around a group of Mexicans and be black and see if they don’t try that slick little shit around you. I’m just tired of that shit. It’s stupid and it’s more concentrated out here seem like where more Mexicans are at. But even out in Doraville, Georgia where it’s more of where they live, they try to do that shit. Damn it, let me mention the Asians while I’m right here. They just try to act so damn tough, all that wide stance shit, that shit is so weak. Like really, what message are you trying to send? Because if somebody wanted to get you, they could. Doesn’t matter how far apart you try to stand.

But fuck these Mexicans. Make your money. You try and be kind and love everybody. Even if they’re not. I know it’s frustrating.

Have you ever noticed how they be tryna act though ? How have you dealt with it ?